The Blogging Browns

It was at this point last year that I realized I was in a really unhealthy mental and emotional state. I knew I needed to pursue counseling, but the holiday season threw off my time line. I wanted to find a way to describe infertility through my eyes, the person walking through it, going through all the appointments, treatments, and ups and downs. Sometimes I felt words were insufficient. I began taking pictures on my phone of some really raw moments. I am NOT a photographer or artist. But these photos did capture some hard moments when words fell short. As we approach the holiday season, I remember being so sad at this time last year. You can even see our Christmas tree in the background of some of these pictures. However, I look at my life now, a full year later, and it's unreal how much has changed. I hope to remind you to be sensitive to those who may be hurting this holiday season. I just knew several Christmases ago we'd have a baby by the next Christmas. The next C...

Not very much brought about feeling understood more than reading about other's journeys through infertility. Some blogs and books I read had neatly tied together endings where the couple conceived a child, and others were still on this journey to grow a family. Often, I didn't have any new revelations by reading these books or blogs, but the feeling of being understood, knowing I wasn't crazy, and identifying with someone else in their struggle was really comforting. I came across some great books and blogs. I also came across some terrible books and blogs. I'm going to make a list at the end of this post about great resources, so stay until the end! What I would consider a good book/blog about infertility is one that doesn't make you feel shame about your experiences or reactions. Also, if the book/blog related their infertility back to their spiritual walk, I cared about how they saw infertility through their theology. I am NO master of understanding the t...

I have shared with you all descriptions of what the pain of infertility looks and feels like. It is at times overwhelming, constant, and gut wrenching. It can be really easy to be lead astray in the deep pains of infertility. It can be very easy to become depressed, anxious, or even ashamed. I admit that I have spent many days in dark places. Some days I am strong and confident and trusting in the Lord. Other days I am an anxious wreck full of doubt and fears. Sometimes I am all of the above just in one single hour! However, I would like to share with you all some things that have really been beneficial in my coping and learning to continue to fully live while struggling with infertility. I think I can summarize these coping skills into four categories: 1. Create a Support System 2. Combat the Lies 3. Self Care 4. Spiritual Parenting Let's look at each of these things a little deeper. Support System I cannot express enough the importance of having a good support syste...

Where do we start? That was a question we had to figure out from the get-go. There are a million different answers and approaches to dealing with infertility. It is important to do your research and understand what kind of doctor and what kind of treatment you will be subjected to and have to undergo in this process.  Chris and I felt like we were a step ahead on most of these questions when we began to address our fertility struggles. My oldest sister walked a really similar journey, and she had the grueling work of researching and finding doctors she felt comfortable with treating her.  Thanks to all of her hard work and research, Chris and I knew what kind of direction we wanted to walk in pertaining to our fertility.  Natural Procreative Technology (NaPro) is a  women's health science that uses the Creighton Model System to help a woman reach their optimal state of reproductive health. Its medical and surgical approaches, developed over decades of r...

Continuing to talk about grief, I want to share with you how grieving has affected my faith. I wish I could say that I met infertility with a strong, deep belief in the goodness of Jesus, and that I had some really spiritual response as I moved through my grief. I am sorry to say that I had the opposite reaction. As a person of faith in Jesus, I believe that everything I do and everything I go through comes through the hand of God. I firmly believe that God is the Creator and Sustainer of the universe and by Him, to Him, and through Him are all of our experiences in life. But how does this faith in God work when He hands us pain, brokenness, and grief? How can His goodness allow such pain? These are all huge questions that I realize can make or break people's faith. I don't pretend to understand or know fully how to answer these questions, but what I can do is tell you about my experience in exploring them. When I sat down to do my intake with my counselor, she asked me...

First of all I just want to say wow. Thank you. I am overwhelmed by the kindness, love, and encouragement that I was met with when I shared my first post. I don't think I fully explained how terrified I was to click "post". I shared my first post at 9 PM at night hoping everyone was asleep (we are old folks and go to bed early!). I posted it and basically hid under my covers, trying not to puke, and listened to Leslie Knope run on my television as I tried to calm down. Thank you. For all those who sent messages, left kind words, shared your stories and struggles with me, thank you. My heart is overwhelmed and my little love tank is full to the brim. You all are good people. I have been reading through my journals and trying to find a good place to start with a deeper explanation of infertility, and what I noticed was this thread of sorrow, grief, and loss that ran through most of my journal entries. Some are marked with anger and bitterness. Some are truly a deep, p...